I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
