i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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