Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize