Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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