In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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