My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
