how hairy? two words: wookie tits
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
