i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
