how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
