when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
