I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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