after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
