I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
