In the future we'll all be gay
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
