the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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