What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
