don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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