your thong is hanging out like whoa
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
