awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
