There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
