It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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