Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize