we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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