I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
