She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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