There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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