Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
