My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
