my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
