Sponge bath it is.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We need a shit load of segways right now
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
