VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize