He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
