He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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