FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
