I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
