i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
