No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
