I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
