you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We left the knife in your bed.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
