It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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