Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
