I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Its about making memories worth repressing
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I lost the right to judge tonight
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize