I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
