You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
