Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
