I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
