so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
