Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
