you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
