doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
