Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Apparently you make a good broom.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
