That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize