dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
