We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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