Ambien. No doubt about it.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
