I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
handjob tips. give me some.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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