I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
