i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
