So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
