He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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