The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
