yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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