just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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