Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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