well I can't set my house on fire every night
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Randomize
