just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
