You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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