I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
